Quick Czechout

Yes, we've all seen many iterations of using the name 'Czech' in funny ways, so of course I was going to as well. Thanks to the fat homosexual I have been to the Paris of the East many times, if my count is right, this was my seventh trip there. Being in Dubai makes it alot easier to reach out to places in Europe than being in Sydney, so as I had a couple of days off I thought a quick jaunt to my second home was in order.

Food tourism, gourmet jaunts, culinary trips, it's a big part of travel in general nowadays, I mean let's face it, you can see all the sites on your ultra HDTV through travel shows and general internet searches, but sadly technology still has failed in bringing the ever so good and important sense of taste onto the digital platform, they havent even really managed it with smell, although they are getting close there. So yes, my trip to Prague was not to see the Charles Bridge or the Castle, none of that standard touristy stuff here, my objective was clear... food, specifically indian and burgers, with a light sprinkling of kebabs.

I'm not the biggest fan of standard Czech cuisine, apart from a classic schnitzel with lemon and a cabbage salad side, although that's hardly Czech, so yes this food excursion will be about sampling some new burgers that have come into town, over the last few years Prague has gone through a burger revolution, finally they have heeded my relentless campaigning since my first trip about the marvels of this all round meal, and an enormous amount of burger places have opened up. We'll also be looking at a few Indian places and putting them up against our old classics like the Pind, and what feasting holiday would be complete without a klassic kebab review?

Posted 30.05.2015
Day One
Doner Kebab - Lunch

After arriving into Prague we usually head to the nearest maccas drive thru and get whatever the special is, take it back to rot central and feast away with beer and a bit of light street fighting. This time though, with only three days, priorities changed, we had to adapt to squeeze in as much of the filth we wanted to taste as possible. So, on the way home we went to Doner Kebab House, a chain (currently 3 stores) of kebab stores in Prague. I went for their classic beef kebab, how they usually make it, I also asked for hummus, my intention was the hummus be added to my kebab however this was lost in translation, even with fat pig there, so we ended up getting the hummus on the side... and thank the almighty for that.

Look, I know what you're thinking, these kebabs look disgusting, and you're absolutely right, they look bad. I don't know how else to describe it apart from bad, I'll try though, that monotone pale brown meat that really gets the imagination going when you start to think of all the possible parts of the animal kingdom this may have come from. Its really quite a depressing affair, you should be all excited about trying a new kebab, seeing what the guys have to offer, how can they differentiate themselves in a crowded takeaway market place... They can do that by making a pretty decent kebab in a market thats not known for kebabs, and that's pretty much what the boys over at Doner Kebab House do, they take what could be an amazing feasting experience and turn it into a mediocore kebab feeding which doesn't leave you feeling disappointed, but not extremely excited either.

This however does change when you try the hummus, I'm not sure what's going on here, but this has got to be close to the most disgusting thing I have ever put into my mouth, the taste is so bad, I'm not sure how to describe it, it's just disgusting and horrible, and well, if there's any Czech speakers reading this, hummus is really what you'll be getting.

Indian Jewel - Dinner

Any activity with 5B is usually something you cannot remember too well, and that's true of this too. I have no real recollection of what happened this evening, but 5B was with us, there was some trams, I think some women hit him, I remember the petrified look of one young lady on the tram when I lost grip of my pole as the tram suddenly accelerated and sent my 100 or so kilos flying in her direction. There was a strange encounter in a park, and I think there was an altercation with some neo nazis, they didnt mind me, but something about 5B really bothered them.

So after all this fun we ended up heading to the Jewel, the jewel of India. Readers, I, we, have to be honest here... I dunno what the hell was going on here, we don't remember anything, we can't recollect ordering, sitting down, talking to anyone, eating anything... nothing... all we have is these pics taken with the iPhone, and vague memories of some disagreement with an arrogant Czech waitress and escalations to a turban wearing manager who came along and did something to settle the situation because we left happy... i think.

Day Two
La Quila - Buffet Lunch

The best Seekh kebabs in Prague. No crayon orange/red colouring here, this was pure lamb, roasted with spices in the tandoor. Succulent, juicy, and delicious. Folks, let's not mess around here, if all you want is an incredible seekh kebab experience, you need to head down to La Qulia, the veg samosas were pretty awesome too, and to be honest, we wish we did this place justice and went for lunch ala carte rather than the Lunch buffet.

By there own admission the curries offered at the lunch buffet are a sad watered down version of what you would actually experience if you order from the menu. Our verdict is simple here... stay away from the buffet and order ala carte. I'll definitely be back here on my next visit to Praha to experience the full La Quila experience.

Fish and Chips 21 Dlouha - Dinner Delivery

Who does a good fish and chips in Prague? These guys do, why? Because probably nobody else really cares. It's not hard to do a good fish and chips, you have decent fish, you have a kick arse batter and you fry in good oil, it's pretty much a walk in the park from there. This is a massive hole in the Prague food market. Fried Fish. Everyone loves fish and chips and here you can enjoy them, masterfully cooked. What's even better is these guys do pretty amazing burgers

The lamb burger with it's simple slightly pickled(?) cucumbers with fresh slice of tomato is simply beautiful. The combination of the sharp vegetables with the perfectly cooked lamb is a sensation everyone must experience. The kids didn't really eat their requested fish so I tucked into it, and it was flaky, fresh and tasty... this is a definite go back again and again.

Day Three
Dish - Burger Lunch

Google dish burger in Prague and look at the number of reviews and read the ravings about this place. Any stop in Prague would be incomplete without a visit to Dish, whether you like burgers or not, this is becoming quite the institution. Fatman, zipper and I went down to Dish to pick up a few burgers, it was far too packed to try and sit in and well theres nothing like feasting in the comfort of home with limitless beers and the ability to pass out without having to walk back home.

The burgers here are just beautiful, juicy succulent meat that is cooked perfectly, the soft glistening buns, gooey real cheese, sweet onion jam, fresh mayo, crisp dill pickles and greens that are supportive and not obtrustive. These guys have mastered the art of burger creation and the scores of people in the restaurant and also waiting to pick up orders is evidence of this fact. This is possibly once of the best burgers I have ever eaten, period. I really wish they had these kind of places when I was first going to Prague, but I guess this is more reason to head back up there sooner rather than later. We were quite happy about being forced to get takeaway after eating these burgers... food coma kicked in pretty quick.

German Indian - Dinner

The last supper. Honestly not much is remembered from this night. Fatman and I were talking to a couple from Germany who were sitting next to us, and we were regaling them with tales, old and new of our adventures over the years... or something like that, whatever we were saying they seemed aptly entertained and I do remember them, particularly the lady being on the edge of her seat listening intently. As for the food, well it's a good thing a picture tells a thousand words because I don't have a lot to say here.

The lamb curry looks pretty good with those fennel seeds sitting on top, I can imagine dipping those naans into it and really enjoying it. The butter chicken looks ok, and I would guess it was pretty standard, the naans again are par for the course but at least don't look thick and doughy, and infact look quite nice and cripsy in some parts. If I had to guess I would say the samosas where somewhat thick on the pastry side and perhaps made them feel gluggy, the tikkas look reasonable but could have been quite dry inside. We ate everything though, good thing to because getting home was quite the experience...

That's the end of this quick Czechout. After seeing the explosion of new places to eat in Prague, I think I'll be back much sooner than my last absence.


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